even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
