Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize