yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
