She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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