I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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