I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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