So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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