i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you inspire me to be a worse person
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
