I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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