You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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