So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
