Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
