K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
