One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
