i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize