I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
