i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Randomize
