using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
