im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's the barista slut.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
