so let's talk penis.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
