I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
