I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
