every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
