Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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