What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
