it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
