doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
