I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
