I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
