She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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