sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
