just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
