it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish my penis had a tongue
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
