I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
