Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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