I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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