my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
