Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
