So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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