I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
