I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
