We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
