I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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