I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There's even glitter on my cock...
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