: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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