Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
