rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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