if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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