He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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