drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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