its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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