my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
