I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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