Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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