On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
