so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
