You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
