nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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