i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
