I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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