I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
