I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
