ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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