First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
