come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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