Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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